Tag Archives: humor

Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 9

atlas4Hank Rearden: Dagny, you’re a slut. But I’ll keep on using you like a slut.

Dagny Taggart: Cool. I like it when you insult me. It turns me on.

Kit Bradley: Why do you do this to me, Ayn Rand?

James Taggart: You look like a sweet young thing.

Sweet Young Thing: You’re famous and rich! I’ll babble on about how my family is useless and espouse a primitive version of Objectivism! Let’s boink!

James: Nope. Because virtue is being miserable, I won’t boink sweet young things.

Kit: Almost no one believes anything like this.

Continue reading Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 9

Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 8

atlas5Eddie Willers: I’ll blab to some random guy at the executive lounge about the details of business! Why are you so upset when I mention John Galt Lines? It’s ALMOST like you’re John Galt!  (He’s John Galt.)

Dagny Taggert: Who is that coming around my John Galt offices at night? I’m sure that there is no such person as John Galt! (Yep, John Galt.)  I am also erotically fixated on my work! I get horny thinking about business!

Kit Bradley: Normally, I like sex in my literature, but Too Much Information, Dagny.

Continue reading Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 8

Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 7

atlasSwitch Manufacturer: I can’t use Rearden Metal for switches because it’s too expensive – it needs new furnaces and stuff for me to shape it! Isn’t this stuff supposed to be cheaper than steel?

Dagny Taggert: Screw you! I’ll bribe government officials to open closed plants! For some reason, I don’t consider using bribes to steal someone’s plant as looting, even though I’m supposed to believe in the sanctity of property rights! So long as they’re not my property! Yay, government corruption when it benefits me!

Continue reading Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 7

Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 6

atlas5Straw Man Philosopher: I hold an anti-rationalist philosophy that’s nothing like 40s and 50s philosophy!  Yet I’m supposed to represent mid-century philosophy, even though I’m nothing like Bertrand Russell or George Santayana!

Straw Man Writer: I express nihilistic artistic values that are nothing like 40s and 50s writing, and I am nothing like J. R. R. Tolkien or George Orwell!

Philosopher and Writer: We’re commies, even though we’re nothing like actual commies of the period!

Continue reading Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 6

Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 5

atlas4Adolescent Francisco d’Anaconia: I’ll hit you when you make a joke I don’t like!

Adolescent Dagny Taggert: You’re so dreamy when you hit me! Let’s boink!

Younger Francisco: I will act like a jerk. You’re not ready to know why.

Younger Dagny: OK! Let’s boink!

Present Day Francisco: I play marbles very well. I also defrauded the Mexican government out of millions, and built shoddy, substandard buildings and roads in violation of both contract and law. Because of my double-dealing, American companies have lost hundreds of millions of dollars.

Continue reading Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 5

Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 4

altas3People’s State of Mexico: We just nationalized the railroads!

Dagny Taggert: Told you so.

Railroad Association: We’re going to create regional monopolies, but NOT to jack up our prices and gouge people, but because we are commies!

Disbelieving World: Railroad men are commies?

Ayn Rand: Yes!

Disbelieving World: I have no response to that.

Continue reading Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 4

Summary of Atlas Shrugged, Chapter 2

atlasAyn Rand: INDUSTRY IS GREAT!  Smokestacks, fuck, yeah!

Hank Reardon: Hi, I’m Hank Reardon! I’m thin and tall! I was just sexily brooding while watching metal being poured, and this makes me happy! Yay!

Lillian Reardon: Why weren’t you at dinner? You’d said you’d come.

Hank: You’re pretty, except your eyes are vacant! I was working!  Yay!  Working makes me happy!

Lillian: You said you’d be here.

Hank: Everyone should be happy because I’m happy! Waaaaaa! I don’t care that I disrespected your efforts and our friends and family by saying one thing and doing another! Waaaa! Can’t you see how much better I am than you! Waaaaa! But now I’m happy because I’m smarter than you! Yay!

Lillian: But you said you’d be here. And I think that psychologists call this a “mixed state” . . .

Hank: Waaaa! Now I’m not happy because you’re all worthless! Waaaa! I’m not responsible for keeping my word to you because you’re worthless! Waaaa! Good thing that soon I’ll meet some thin girl with nice legs and have rough sex with her because our IDEAS love each other! Yay!

Lillian: I’m not sure you know how sex works.

Philip: Who is John Galt?

Summary of Atlas Shrugged, Chapter 1

atlas4Dagny Taggert: Hi! I’m Dagny and I have great legs and stormy gray eyes!

James Taggert: I don’t care if the train line fails because we’ve got to HELP PEOPLE. (<- things said by no railroadman in the history of railroadmen)

Dagny: I ordered rails from the OH-SO-DREAMY Hank Reardon! And they’re not steel! They’re REARDON METAL. Despite being an alloy, it’s cheaper than steel and lasts longer!

James: Uh, that’s not what the scientists say.

Dagny: I FEEL that it’s special! And I saw the Reardon Steel reports and no company would EVER lie about their reports, nope, no way, and scientists are eggheads. Who needs ’em?

Bum: Who is John Galt?