Jim Taggart: I hate that my wife is learning to like being rich!

Cherryl Taggart: I hate it that my husband isn’t Dagny Taggart! Maybe Eddie Willers will tell me the whole story of why Jim sucks!

Eddie Willers: Yep! There is no corporate secret or personal information that I won’t divulge to anyone, so long as they’re a CAPITALIST! Granted, I don’t know everything, like how my loose lips are helping John Galt sabotage Taggart Transcontinental, and I won’t put any blame on the current crises on Francisco d’Anaconia’s massive sabotage of the global economy, or Ragnar’s incredibly destructive piracy… so, not really the “whole story”, just the incompetent lickspittle’s story, as it were.  But spill the beans about sensitive personal and business information?  I’m your guy!

Continue reading Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE CAPITALIST Summary, Chapter 24 →

Dagny Taggart: I’m back!

Jim Taggart: Good and drat! I hate you, but I kinna need you.  Anyway, you’ve got to give an interview with this Commie Broadcaster.

Dagny: No way, Jose!

Lillian Rearden: Yes way!  If you don’t give the interview, I’ll reveal that you had an affair with Hank!

Dagny: OK, bwahahaha!

Commie Broadcaster: Tell us how awesome communism is!

Dagny: Nope.  I boinked Hank Rearden and I liked it!

Commie Broadcaster: Cut, cut!

Hank Rearden: Dagny, I love you!

Dagny: Yeah, well, about that, yeah, I knew that because I expect all CAPTIALIST men to be rapey, slut-shaming assholes. But I don’t love you, anymore. I love a superior CAPITALIST. Y’know, John Galt.

Hank: D’oh! Despite me having been consistently portrayed as a jealous, violent, and abusive man, I’m good with you loving the superior CAPITALIST John Galt. (Plus, well, let’s be honest, my main squeeze is Franscisco d’Anaconia, no homo.)

Kit Bradley: Seriously, that’s it?  This chapter is, like, fifty pages long!  Curse you, Ayn Rand!

Kit Bradley: I’m condensing chapters 21 and 22 into one bit because they’re nearly identical! This is some great, and by great I mean “awful”, writing!

John Galt: Hi, I’m John Galt!

Dagny Taggart: Ohemgee, I can’t catch my breath, and my thighs are steaming so I can’t see right, but I can tell because you’re the tallest and thinnest of all that means you’re the bestest CAPITALIST in the universe!  Ohemgee!  OHEMGEE!

Continue reading Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE CAPITALIST Summary, Chapters 21 and 22 →

Dagny Taggart: I’ve got to get to Utah, FAST, to talk to the man who is figuring out the Miracle Motor (a plot point ignored for 300 pages!), so I’m taking a train! Trains DEFINE fast!

Coachman: Get off the train, you bum!

Objectivist Bum: But I’m a CAPITALIST!

Dagny: He’s tall and thin, proof of his CAPITALISM!  Let him stay! Tell me a story!

Objectivist Bum: Communism sucks! I started the whole “who is John Galt” thing, too. It is important to show no credulity that out of hundreds of millions of Americans, you just happen to find one of the few people who really knows John Galt’s origin story! Remember, I’m a CAPITALIST, not a moocher saying what you want to hear to take advantage of you.

Continue reading Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 20 →

Dagny Taggart: I love my apartment now that my job sucks. Why doesn’t the whole world be like I want it to be? I’d be happy if everything was exactly like I wanted, which isn’t childish of me AT ALL. Hark! A knock! Who could it be?

Francisco d’Anaconia: It’s me!

Dagny: Of course it is. Of course.

Francisco: Do you remember that thing, last chapter, when I said that you should just go back and read my other speeches? I’m here to give that speech, again.

Continue reading Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 19 →

Dagny Taggert: I’m in a cabin learning to be unemployed and hating it!  I can’t go to Hank, because being in a committed relationship with someone isn’t about helping each other out!  No one knows where I am.

Francisco d’Anaconia: I know where you are.

Dagny: Curses! What do you want?

Francisco: To do what I do best. Give the same speech I’ve given three times before!

Dagny: I love that speech!

Continue reading Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 18 →

Eddie Villers: I exist to tell some random guy working that is totally not John Galt (he’s John Galt) where everything is. Despite being a lickspittle who is totally incompetent, I’m one of the heroes. Here, total stranger who isn’t John Galt (he’s John Galt), let me tell you where Dagny Taggart is!

Not John Galt: Thanks.

Hank Rearden: Since my moral weakness with Rearden Metal where I signed it over to the government, I walk through dangerous woods alone!

Continue reading Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 17 →

Commie Government Officials: We will consciously restrict the economy because we’re idiots!

James Taggart: I feel guilty thinking about George Washington, because he was such a great capitalist who never owned slaves!

Commie Crook: Intellectuals suck and are the allies of tyrants, which is why every tyranny in the world has rounded up to imprison or kill intellectuals!

Commie Government Officials: Yeah! And now we’ll give a lot of speeches about why we’re the good guys!  Seriously, it’ll last about twelve pages!

Wesley Mooch: We will force businessmen to sign over the intellectual property rights of all their stuff! And by “force” we don’t mean force. Because commie tyrants would never use guns!

Dagny Taggart: No way! I quit! Hank, when they come after you, I want to share your burdens.

Hank Rearden: I’ll never sign of Rearden Metal!

Commie Dr. Ferris: We’ll reveal your affair with Dagny, which will embarrass her.

Hank: Drat! Despite Dagny having contempt for public opinion, and the reason she hasn’t revealed the affair already  is so I’m not embarrassed, and despite her just telling me that she wants to share my burdens, I’ll ignore all of that and sign over Rearden Metal!

Dagny Taggart: I told everyone that those commie limits on production would cause disaster. It’s causing disaster! Ha! I will, of course, ignore ongoing industrial sabotage by the person I literally call “the destroyer”, not to mention widespread piracy that has stopped metal production in the US – it is ONLY the result of the COMMIES.

Commie Business Leaders: It is a disaster!  We will also fail to blame industrial saboteurs or pirates! We will blame James Taggart!

James Taggart: Huh? I’m a sychophant!

Commie Business Leaders: Dime a dozen, dude.

James: Drat!

Continue reading Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 15 →