Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE Summary, Chapter 14

atlas5Lillian Rearden: Happy Thanksgiving!

Hank Rearden: I hate you.  And Thanksgiving is the celebration of productive people.

Kit Bradley: Oh, good lord, really? Hey, I guess a writer who says that there was no slavery in the US has already demonstrated her ignorance about American history, but STILL.

Hank: And I refuse to feel guilty about hating my wife, because if I did, I’d be a good person, and therefore wouldn’t need to feel guilty.

Kit: Holy tautology, Batman! This chapter is gonna be rough.

Dagny Taggart: Your trial is tomorrow, Hank!

Hank: Don’t worry because I have a plan!

Commie Judge: You’re a racketeer! What’s your plea?

Hank: I won’t give one! I don’t acknowledge the authority of the court!

Commie Judge: You have to! We’re confused! It’s like you’re the first person in the history of jurisprudence to refuse to offer a plea and deny the authority of the court!  Whatever shall we do?

Kit: Man, you can definitely tell Rand learned everything she knows about courts from movies made in the 20s!

Hank: I demand that you use force to, uh, enforce your judgment!

Commie Judge: Despite the fact that the state’s monopolization of force is literally one of the hallmarks of government, and you’ve given us copious legal grounds to use that force, for some reason I won’t do it!

Hank: Now I’ll talk about how awesome selfishness and greed are!  They are . . . AWESOME!

Commie Judge: And even though you’re violating court rules by doing so, I won’t hold you in contempt of court! And even though it weakens the rule of law everywhere to do so, I’ll let you go!  You’re a free man!

Kit: Dear readers, you might be inclined to think that I’m exaggerating. I am not.

Hank: Now I’ll go stalk Francisco d’Anaconia because whenever I’m with Dagny, I’m thinking of him! Now, I’ll go into his room! Remember, I’m not gay!

Francisco d’Anaconia: Hank! I can’t stop thinking about you, either! Let me tell you my sexual philosophy.

Kit Bradley braces for pain.

Francisco: You see, sexual desire and love (which I will use interchangably, here) arise not from the murky depths of unknowable souls, but because of our ETHICS! And those ETHICS require men (and specifically men) to seek women (and only women) whose ETHICS are as strong as ours, so we can sexually dominate them! Women cultivates their strength only to make their surrender to our sexual domination more significant, and that’s ETHICS, too! This arises from CAPITALISM. And the men who don’t do this are hypocrites, and the women are sluts.

Kit: I remind myself I’m doing this because someone NEEDS to go after this book. More people have read Atlas Shrugged than the Holy Bible in the US. It influences our culture in ways big and small, and is the de facto economic philosophy of the libertarian wing of the Republican Party, including the Tea Party. Alan Greenspan was an acolyte of Rand’s for decades, and his own acolytes continue to run the US Federal Reserve. Ayn Rand’s fucked up book has immense influence. This is what I remind myself when I get to points like this!

Hank: You’re so dreamy, Francisco, no homo. Since we’re besties, now, no homo, I bought a bunch of copper from you, because since our ETHICS are the same I know that you’re a CAPITALIST, and the whole structure of capitalism totally falls apart if we’re not honest in business dealings.

Francisco: Damn, bestie, no homo, I hate to tell you this, but . . . uh, I’m sorta working with a pirate and all of your stuff is now at the bottom of the ocean. Oops.

Hank: Fuck you! No homo! I hate you!

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