Dr. Statler: Commies wrote a commie book and twisted my words! It is published by the State Science Institute that I supposedly run, though I do nothing administrative – indeed, I actively avoid administration! I’ll summon the commie stooge who wrote the book.
Commie Stooge Scientist: Sorry, my car broke down.
Dr. Statler: I hate you for not apologizing! Commie stooge, you misrepresented me!
Commie Stooge Scientist: Well, yeah. People are stupid. I’m publishing the book to manipulate them.
Dr. Statler: Though I agree people are stupid, I don’t like how you are manipulating them. You should manipulate them through CAPITALISM.
Commie Stooge Scientist: I do not care what you think. While you were ignoring the administration of this institute, I was making political connections.
Dr. Statler: I hate politics!
Commie Stooge Scientist: And that’s why I’m in charge, dummy.
Dagny Taggart: Society is collapsing! It’s the fault of the “looters”, not the people who are literally sabotaging the economy and government! I will boo the “looters” who are wrecking society but praise the terrorists who are wrecking it! Because CAPITALISM! Even though I hate Dr. Statler, I’ll demand he come up to New York and rudely question him about the Miracle Engine that Hank and I found in on someone else’s property, which is not made by John Galt. (It is made by John Galt.)
Dr. Statler: I’ll go up to NYC because I desperately crave Dagny Taggart’s respect, because I think she’s really smart, even though there is literally no proof of this.
Dagny: I’ll treat you like garbage but ask you to work on this Miracle Engine!
Dr. Statler: This is amazing! But not made by John Galt because there isn’t a John Galt! (There is.)
Dagny: Fix it for me!
Dr. Statler: I won’t! I know a good capitalist engineer who’ll fix it, though, because capitalists make better engineers!
Dagny: Cool. I’m glad you harbor no self-respect and give in to my whims and assholery. It is highly convenient. The whole plot would have collapsed if you had self-respect. So, who made it?
Dr. Statler: Not John Galt. (Made by John Galt.) He must be dead!
Dagny: Speaking of no self-respect, I’ve got a date with Hank Rearden.
Hank Rearden: I’ll ignore the commie government who demands I give them my special metal for Project X. Like all CAPITALISTS, I don’t care what they do in Washington and will put forth no effort into protecting myself, politically, even though I’m supposed to be this super-great businessman, and I work in one of the most heavily regulated industries, ever.
Kit Bradley: Yes, it’s literally called Project X. That’s Ayn Rand, not me.
Commie Official: I want to buy Rearden Metal. We’ll pay good money for it.
Hank: No. You’re trying to steal it.
Commie Official: It’s not stealing if you pay for it.
Hank: Yes, it is! You’re a looter. Not like me. I just take things from buildings I don’t own to make a profit off of them. That’s not looting!
Kit: That’s the literal definition of looting, Hank. Just saying.
Commie Official: Um, no? Seriously, we’ll pay.
Hank: What do you want to use it for?
Commie Official: Uh, why do you care?
Hank: Because when I sell something to someone, I should know what it’s used for. I will bully you!
Kit: Business does not run like this. Business owners don’t generally make judgments on the end use of their products. They just sell ’em.
Commie: Well, despite having the authority of the state to seize the material, I will give in to your bullying.
Hank: I’ve got a date. I don’t require Dagny’s consent to boink her. I just do it. I also get her nice things, then treat her like she was a Barbie doll, for me to dress up.
Dagny: I like it when you dress me up and boink me without my consent! Though, later on, to make people feel better, I give my consent.
Kit: That’s . . . not how consent works.
Hank: You shouldn’t talk to Dr. Statler.
Dagny: You’re so right when you’re so dreamy! And we’re the only people in the world who have fun, because CAPITALISM!
Hank: I didn’t like to buy things, even though they are things I can’t afford, but now that I can treat you like a possession, I like to buy you things.
Dagny: And I like it that you buy me things you can’t afford, and dress me up like a doll, but sexually dominate me, because our ideas are in love with each other.
Kit: Ugh, Ayn. You’re both the WORST.
Hank: Only the rich suffer when they aren’t allowed to make money. I’m full of angst.
Dagny: Giving me stuff will make you want to boink me.
Hank: It does! Let’s boink!