Atlas Shrugged EXECUTIVE CAPITALIST Summary, Chapters 21 and 22

altas3Kit Bradley: I’m condensing chapters 21 and 22 into one bit because they’re nearly identical! This is some great, and by great I mean “awful”, writing!

John Galt: Hi, I’m John Galt!

Dagny Taggart: Ohemgee, I can’t catch my breath, and my thighs are steaming so I can’t see right, but I can tell because you’re the tallest and thinnest of all that means you’re the bestest CAPITALIST in the universe!  Ohemgee!  OHEMGEE!

John: You’re tall and thin, too! I’m going to make elevator eyes at you the whole time you’re here. Which is going to be a month because you broke our rules and despite us all repeating over and over that in the perfect capitalist society there is no force, well, hey, we’re going to force you to stay and refrain from all contact with the outside world. Also, because we’re CAPITALISTS, the laws of the US and Colorado do not apply, duh.

Dagny: Despite the fact you’re literally falsely imprisoning me, okay!  Ohemgee, ohemgee!

John: And since we don’t give anything to anyone, here, well, let me give you elevator eyes and say that women normally “pay” for staying here in a “traditional” way that does NOT include housekeeping, childrearing, or cleaning.

Dagny: I’d totally let you bone me, though! I mean, totally. Hank, who? But I won’t bone you! For the month I’m here, I’ll just be your maid and cook, not your sex slave.

John: Let’s to meet all the CAPITALISTS at dinner!

CAPITALISTS: It’s so perfect and dreamy, here! Each one of us will repeat the same arguments about how taxes torture us and we’re so glad to be here! We will continue to blame society falling apart only on the collectivist government, while in the same breath talking about our economic sabotage and piracy to tear the economy apart! Remember, when we blow up factories and burn oil fields, that has no bearing on the collapse of society, and we have no moral culpability for the enormous suffering that follows, and it’s all their fault!

Dagny: Wow! Despite you people literally working to sabotage not only the general economy, but my own industries, for some reason I’ll continue to blame only the collectivist government! You’re all tall and thin, so you must be the good guys, despite your indiscriminate economic terrorism and sabotage, and literal piracy, that is tearing my business and the whole country apart! I take no offense to that.

CAPITALISTS: And we’ll repeat this over and over, again, for TWO GODDAMN CHAPTERS.

Dagny: Despite me thinking you’re all so dreamy, I won’t join you, though I admire you, because I love my business too much. Even though you repeat you’re working for its destruction, that’s okay, because I see that you’re CAPITALISTS, not terrorists.

Francisco d’Anaconia: I was worried you were dead, but I see you’re not. Also, I want to boink you, but won’t, though I’m jealous of Hank Rearden. And not because I want to boink Hank more, no homo.

Dagny: Good? Yes! Hey, isn’t that Hank’s plan circling? Gosh, he thinks I’m dead, too.  Oh, well.

CAPITALISTS: You should stay.

Dagny: Well, despite this being so great, nope.

John Galt: Then we have to kick you out, until you want to come and stay for reals.

Dagny: It’s SO HOT when you kick me out!  Ohemgee, ohemgee!

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